i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
