What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
