she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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