The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
