birth control should be required to get into college
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
