You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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