I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
