i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
