you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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