I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
