im having a threesome with these popsicles
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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