Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
