winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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