??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
