I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
