i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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