Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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