It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
