frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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