There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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