I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
