My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
