According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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