Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
