Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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