Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
