He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
