we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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