well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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