Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
