She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
