We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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