so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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