I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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