Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
