He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
