as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
