dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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