Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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