That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize