k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
