I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
you never un-have a 4some
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
