I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
