So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I love you. Go after that dick
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
