11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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