This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
