I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
