when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
