seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
