I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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