the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
there is glitter all over my balls
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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