arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
