No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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