Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize