life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
