I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
