By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
