i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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