It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
