Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
