The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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