Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
