Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
