I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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