so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
