life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
