i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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