Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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