I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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