so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
