I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
