Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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