Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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