Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
