I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
