i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize