Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
