You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
