wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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