how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I met the friendliest cop last night
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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