I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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