My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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