You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
