Having a random hookup so left but love u
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize