just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
