please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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