I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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