i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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