I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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