One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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