pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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