on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
