worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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