I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
