I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
