If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
