We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
