Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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