He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
