I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Randomize
