hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
