I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
