i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
